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I know I have been away for a while and haven't written anything lately, however, that doesn't necessarily mean that I don't have anything to say. Something I have been thinking about for a little bit is the state of my generation as it pertains to relationships. They say that 35 is the new 25 which I guess is good in certain respects. I don't think it is good, however, when you relate this to relationships.
One thing I often get asked is why I am single. I usually respond that I am not single by choice. I am very much interested in getting involved in a relationship, having kids, and doing the family thing. On paper, and even on 360, it appears that EVERYONE is looking for the exact same thing. So these questions arise. If everyone is looking for the same thing, we are there so many single people out there? Why are there so many @sshole men in their 30's and 40's still acting like they never grew up out of their 20's? Why are there so many women in their 30's and 40's that are still looking for Mr. Right?
It is my belief that, on paper, people present themselves to be the people they WANT to be and not necessarily the people they ARE. But I think to myself, that can't be it! As I delve into this topic more, I find that my generation is seriously JADED; plagued by their past relationships and experiences in conjunction with the third party experiences they come in contact with via friends and family. I do believe that most people want what I want. But how do we all get there if our baggage is so heavy that we can hardly move it?
Pretty women are tired of creep negroes talking to them as if they have no manners. They are tired of creep negroes treating them like they are just a piece of @ss. This is such a frequent occurence that when a "real" brotha approaches them, the wall is so tall and thick, the dude simply can't get in.
Women that aren't as attractive or proportionately sound also have thier issues with men. A lot of guys (unfortunately) are always looking to better deal what they have. Thus, heartbreak occurs which contributes to the jaded population.
Men also have issues. It is a well known fact that women outnumber men in this world. However, if a quarter of the men out there are trying to be ballers, another quarter are trying to be punk @ss thug n*ggaz, and another quarter are simply trying to get as much @ss as possible, that only leaves 25% of men actually out there about something! I, personally, believe I am part of that 25% that is about something. But when I approach a woman I get one of the following:
* you're not thug enough
* you look sneaky and are probably got women lined up
* you're probably a playa playa running game
* you look TOO nice (WTF?)
One of the most profound things I have ever heard was this...
"...you know what your game is? Your game is the fact that you have no game which makes you appealling but I know you're running game."
Ummm...okay. What the f*ck does that mean?!?!?
Now as I have gotten older and wiser, I have learned that taking you time to get to know someone is something that is very important. Being I want to take my time and actually befriend a woman before I commit to her not wanting to contribute to the breakup statistics, I have found that women look at this behavior as being suspicious (see bullet point number 3 above). Eventually, things fizzle b/c I am "taking too long." C'mon - 1 month ain't a whole hell of a lot of time when you are sizing it up against a lifetime comittment.
So...with all this said (b/c I know I am all over the place on this one), I have come to the conclusion that EVERYONE is JADED!! There are so many insecure, suspicious, and apprehensive people out there. And I guess they all have reasons to be. I too put it ALL out there and got burnt up darker than a forgotten piece of bacon in a skillet. So how do we stop the bleeding? How do we break down these walls that everyone seems to have? I am becoming more and more reserved to thinking I am NOT going to find someone that is ready and, more importantly, open and willing enough to share the type relationship I am looking for. And if I do, I wonder if I will be too doggone old to start a family. I may not have a biological clock, but I also don't want to be running after a toddler at 50 years old!
ORIGINAL POST DATE: 10/23/06 (YAHOO 360)
1 comment:
1. even though this post was written in 06, it seems like it applies to your current situation being that you're still single. if so, doesn't that speak volumes!?!?! It either means that you are correct and everyone is insanely jaded OR that you simply aren't doing it right. I think it's both.
2. you will ALWAYS get those bullet points that you so thoroughly broke down DJ. you know why? look at you! not only are you an intelligent, tall, strapping, physically fit, handsome, brown man with his own place AND business, but you're energy and aura are incredible! you're not gay. you want kids. you have a sensitive side. and you love courtesies (wink). OF COURSE woman are going to think that you have them lined up around the corner! the fact that you are not snatched up by some woman with her claws wrapped around you like a lion fiesting on her prey is perplexing. so yeah, why ARE you single?! that brings me to my third point.
3. like i mentioned in point #1, you might not be trying hard enough. if you already know how jaded we all can be, that means you have to put in a little bit more work than normal right? i mean, how badly do you want to find your "ideal partner"? when she comes at you with 'you're too nice', you should already know why and be willing to work through that! you need to push through the b.s. and the walls and the jaded-ness and make it work! that's what relationships are all about. and if in your 30 something years, you've done that and STILL can't find someone to stare into the sky with, then something must be wrong with you that you're just not sharing. hmph!
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