I saw this online today and thought it was interesting reading to share. Some of the things I agree with and found interesting. I do, however, believe that the door swings both ways with some of the points. Some of MY points and questions are in bold blue below. All comments welcome!
Do you speak guy? Can you comprehend all the subtle -- and not-so-subtle -- nuances of his secret language? If you're a woman, chances are the answer is sort of, kind of, not really. Guy-talk looks like English, sounds like English, but it's more like Himglish."Men don't always say what they mean," says Scott Haltzman, MD, a clinical assistant professor of psyciatry and human behavior at Brown University and author of the upcoming book 'The Secrets of Happily Married Men.' "And sometimes we say what we mean but women understand it completely differently." All in all, that means that cracking the code can be difficult -- but not impossible. To give you a head start, we talked to relationship experts and real guys (who speak in the native tongue) to shed some light on some of a guy's most common lines -- and what in the world he really means by them.
Women don't alwys say what they mean either. There have been lots of times when I thought I knew where a woman was coming from only to learn there were more layers to her statement(s) or question(s) than I anticipated harboring a deeper meaning.
What he says: "We should hang out some time."
What he means: "I don't want to flat-out ask you on a date and risk rejection, so first I'm going to gauge your interest."
Why he says it: "This is the safest way to go," says Ron Karmel. "If she says 'yeah' and gives you her number, you know you're in, but if she just says 'yeah' and does nothing --you know it's a no go." And with the male ego the way it is, this is the preferred way for him to find out. Says Haltzman, "It hurts to be rejected, and so asking a woman out this way gives her a chance to pull away without the guy being embarrassingly turned down."
What he says: "I really like your shoes."
What he means: "I really like you."
Why he says it: Granted, he could genuinely like your shoes. But if he says this during the early stages of dating, it also likely means he's physically attracted to you -- but doesn't want to come right out and say it and seem like a dog. Ty Marciniak claims that this is one of the first things he says when he's into a girl. "It boosts her confidence, but it also shows her I'm fashionable and sweet," he says. "She'll notice that I didn't come right out and compliment her legs or something." Which is, of course, what he really was complimenting in the first place. Get it?What he says: "Maybe we should take some time off from each otheryou know, take a break." What he means: "Maybe I'm better off keeping my options open." Why he says it: Seems harsh, but it's common: "This kind of statement is driven by the man's fear of hurting the woman or by wanting to have it both ways -- having her without committing," explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D, a clinical psychologist and author of If Men Could Talk. Problem is, women often take "the break" at face value. Trust me, if a guy is crazy about you, he'll want to spend as much time with you as possible, period.
LOL @ this one. I agree with this, however, I feel there can also be another dynamic. I have been in situations where I have said this and it wasn't to keep my options open. There have been times when I put it straight up out there that I wanted to be with someone just to get a lack-luster answer. Sometimes the woman is trying to see what HER options are which doesn't put out the strongest energy. This makes a man feel a bit uncertain about the woman which may lead him to make this statement. Okay - moving on...What he says: "I am listening!"
What he means: "I'm listening, but I really don't want to get into a long, emotional discussion right now."
Why he says it: When a guy zones out, women generally interpret that to mean he's shut her off. More likely he's just overwhelmed. "Men process verbal information better when it's direct and to the point," says Haltzman. Scott Borchert agrees. "When I say this, it usually means I just wish she'd get to the point sooner," he says. One way around this is to ask him for his advice -- guys love to fix problems -- or to make sure he's primed for a marathon talk session. So rather than launching right in, say, "This story's kind of involved -- can you listen now or should we talk later?"
Hmmm
What he says: "You're just too good for me."
What he means: "I need out of this relationship."
Why he says it: "I've said that many times, but not once have I meant it," admits Ron. "What I meant was I needed an out in the relationship, but I wanted to make her feel good about it." Another popular alternative to this is the, "You deserve someone better than me" line. So why can't guys just come out and tell you the truth? Unless you're new to the planet Earth, you may have noticed men aren't big on having talks -- particularly breakup talks. In fact they'll say anything to avoid them, such as butter you up so you don't chew them out. "Men don't go to places they're afraid of," says Gratch. "We don't like to go where we might have to open up about feelings." Did he just say feelings? Blech!
Bah - women do the same thing as well. In a matter of fact, my last girlfriend used BOTH of those lines mentioned above. When I heard her say it, I was like . Yeah...right?!? It was at that point I started to think...yeup - time is limited now!What he says: "I think I'm falling in love with you"
What he means: "I am this close to saying the L-word, but I can't bring myself to say it just yet and when I do say it, I want to be sure you'll say it back."
Why he says it: Ron calls this an "in-between line" -- it's a warm-up act to "I love you," and it tests the waters to see if she's feeling the same way. For women, talking about your emotions and exposing your vulnerabilities is a way to bond with another person, "but men don't view exposing your vulnerabilities as a positive," says Haltzman. "They don't want to appear weak." That's why words like "thinking" and "falling" come in very handy -- they give him an out. But they also allow him to express something meaningful in a way only he understands. Hopefully, now you will, too.
Yeah - I agree with this one. I may not necessarily use that particular line. But I have been noted as saying "You know you got me sprung right?" or "I am loving where we are right now!" Indeed, I used these to test the waters before springing the L-word. I mean, not for anything - wen those feelings and emotions start flaring, they become like a wildfire that is hard to put out. I don't know anyone (man or woman) that wants to put themselves out there with the possibility of being crushed. The coolest I LOVE YOU's are the one's where you just KNOW! I mean, you can look into that woman's eyes as she gazes back at you and you just KNOW! Ahhh...such a refreshing thought. Where the hell is spring?!? LOL
In conclusion, I believe that both men and women alike have certain ways of saying things without really saying what they mean. As I stated before, no one wants to be hurt in any capacity. For whatever reason, it seems there are less and less people that truly want to settle down and be with one person. Some people are simply fearful. Others want their cake and eat it too. No one is perfect by any means. I am not insinuating that anyone should settle, but there has to be more soul searching as to what you REALLY want differentiating your WANTS from your NEEDS. Make all attempts to keep your life organized and keep your mind sound. The worst feeling is when someone really cool comes around while you are in a moment of turmoil.
OK - RAMBLING NOW. What are your thoughts?ORIGINAL POST DATE: 3/11/07 (YAHOO 360)
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